Tag: groom

A day in the life of a celebrant

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All you need is love and … here’s what a saturday looks like for a celebrant.

So generally Saturday’s are game days for me.  That is wedding day for most couples and while a bride is getting herself made up and sipping champagne, and a groom and his boys may be sneaking in a round of golf, this is a run down on how I prepare.

Gym

gym

Every Saturday morning starts with a 6.30 session at the gym.

Coffee

coffee

 

The best celebrants are fuelled by coffee.

Paperwork

paperwork

Checking that everything is sorted, filling in the date and address of the venue, making sure that I have everything, and then I pack it all into an envelope ready for the ceremony.  Checking that I have my pen, incase the couple don’t have a special one they want to use for the signing of the licence.

Practice

practice

I always practice every ceremony 4-5 times, running through the entire ceremony, paying special attention to timing, and jokes and pronounication of names.  Doing this means that I feel completely comfortable with the ceremony.  I also practice with the microphone to make sure I can juggle it and the folder, and rings etc.

Testing the tools

pa

Testing the public address system, making sure it’s charged up, making sure the volume is set correctly (it needs to be changed between inside and outside) checking the batteries in the cordless microphone, running all the songs for the wedding through to make sure the volume is correct and songs are all in the right order on the playlist.

Packing the car

packingcar

The car gets packed up, with everything I’m going to take. PA System, bag of essentials (paperwork, microphone, water bottle, lollipops etc) The car always gets a bit of a wash the day of the wedding, it is my mobile business card after all.

Getting dressed

clothes

I pretty much always wear black to weddings.  When I meet with a couple in the planning stages I always ask what colour theme they are going with, this determines what I will wear. I wear black so that I don’t stand out, the attention needs to be on the bride and the bridesmaids.  If the bridesmaids are wearing black then I will wear another dark colour so I don’t look like I’m part of the bridal party.

Hair and Make-Up

hair and makeup

Not the same at the bridal party, but it’s important that I look my best, it is after all a wedding and I will be in a few of the couples wedding photos. I also make sure my toe nails are painted, because I nearly always wear open toed shoes.  It’s really important to me that I look my best.

On my way

onourway

So after a double check that everything I need is loaded into the car.  I’m on my way.  I always arrive at least 45 mins before the service. I recommend to the groom and his boys that he arrive at the same sort of time, because guests will always arrive early to a wedding, and it’s nice for him to be there early to greet his guests and make sure everything is spot on.  I set up my PA, make sure everything is working properly, brief the MC on using the music system during the ceremony. I set up the licence, on the table where it will be signed, checking to see if the couple needs my pen or they have their own. Then it’s time to check with the groom to see if he needs help with anything, quite often I’m pinning on buttonholes, making sure all the boys look great. I usually get a quick word with the photographer when they arrive to check if they need anything, and to brief them if anything special is happening during the ceremony, sand ceremony, candle of rememberance etc.

Ceremony time

Sorry no photos of the ceremony, it was an unplugged ceremony, so I asked the guests to refrain from taking photos during the ceremony.

After the ceremony

wedding

After the ceremony the photographer normally tries to get a group shot of all the guests, this is when I make sure all the paperwork is signed correctly, I place the couple’s copy of marriage licence into an envelope containing a copy of their ceremony and the cards that they use when they recite their wedding vows (as a keepsake of the day).  I then find the MC and give them this package to keep safe for the day, to give to the couple the next day. I pack everything up, and then have a little mingle with the guests, and go and find the couple to congratulate them and give them a quick hug.  I then make my exit, usually I get asked if I want to stay for a drink, but I think that a couple should celebrate with their family and friends, so I quietly leave.  Happy that I was able to share a couples special day with them.  It truly is a privilege, and I thank my lucky stars every time that I get to do this amazing job.

Mailing the paperwork

mail5

The next day the paperwork is placed in the mail box, on it’s way to Wellington, to make the marriage official.  I always message the couple the next day to congatulate them to let them know their paperwork has been mailed and to make sure they are happy with everything.

So there’s quite a lot of preparation for me on a wedding day, alot of behind the scenes work that needs to be done to ensure that everything goes off without a hitch.

 

Why you need a Plan ‘B’

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All you need is love and … a Plan B.

This post is bought to you by the letter B, as in Plan B!

Sometimes as much as you plan your little heart out, the weather gods don’t understand and don’t play ball.  You can cross your fingers and toes and anything else you can cross, but sometimes it just doesn’t work in your favour.

It’s really important when you’re planning your wedding to have a ‘Plan B’, you may not want to think about it, or talk about it, or imagine it or dream about it, but it’s a necessary evil.  Your guests will thank you for it, in the long run.

When you are visiting potential venues, you may like to ask about what the Plan B option is.  Do they have somewhere where you can hold the ceremony if (god forbid) it’s not ideal weather?  Do they have somewhere onsite or will you need to have another location as backup?  As much as your heart may be set on an outdoor location in the sunshine (and as Kiwi’s we love a good outdoor wedding), you need to consider, if it’s threatening to rain on your day, do you want to be stressing about whether that downpour will will show its face  just at wedding 0’clock, also think about your guests having to traipse around on sodden grass in high heels, do you want your and your bridesmaid’s dresses dragging through mud on the way to the ceremony?  Do you think gumboots are appropriate footwear for a wedding?

 

Other things to consider: when are you going to make the call about the change of venue? Who’s going to make the call? How are you going to contact your guests, vendors, celebrant if you do need to change location? Do you need to decorate the back up location in a different way than your original location, what may work in one spot may not work in your alternative.

If you are having an outdoor wedding, you will need to nominate alternative location on your marriage licence, just incase.

It may be slightly devastating to not have your wedding in the location of your dreams on a warm sunny afternoon, especially if you have been planning it for a loooong time.  But what I say to all my brides is ‘remember what the day is about, it’s about marrying the love of your life, and at the end of the day that’s all thats important’

View from the front.

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All you need is love and … what the celebrant sees.

As a marriage celebrant I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of many weddings, and it is always an absolute honour and privilege to be present and to guide a couple into married life.  All the weddings have of course been different, some have been big affairs with hundreds of guests in castles, and some have been very intimate, with only a few guests, on the beach.  One of the things they all have in common is the feeling of love and happiness that hangs in the air and surrounds the couple, it’s quite magical to witness.

Lately I have  been open and aware to experiencing and noticing the different ‘looks’ that you always see at a wedding, whether it’s big, small, on the beach or in a church.

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Leah and Keirin pic by SVZ photography

Look 1 – This is the look that is exchanged between the groom and a flower girl and or ringbearer, especially if said flower girl/ring bearer is their own child.  This is a look of pride ‘that’s my kid’ normally the child is nervous and a little shy, but once they see their dad at the end of the aisle all that disappears and they break out in a smile.

Look 2 – This is the look exchanged between the bridesmaid and the groom.  Normally its a full on smile because she knows how fantastic the bride looks and knows how nervous the groom is and wants to reassure him ‘it’s going to be ok, and just wait till you see her.

Look 3 – The father/mother of the bride as they escort the bride down the aisle.  This look is pure joy, they are so proud to be able to escort her to her awaiting groom, sometimes a little sadness (their little girl is growing up) but normally big smiles.

Look 4 – That magical moment when the groom sees his bride walking towards him, sometimes there are tears, but in all the weddings I’ve been part of there has been a huge smile, a ‘she looks stunning, I can’t believe she’s marrying me’ type of look.  Its magic and one of the best parts of the ceremony.

Look 5 – When the couple are finally standing in front of each other at the altar, shes given her flowers to her bridesmaid, the music has faded down, they are holding hands and we’re ready to start.  When they get to look each other in the eye and know that their lives are about to change forever.  Usually it’s a giant smile, a little trepidation, and sometimes the giggles come out.

A&J-281ablog
Amber and Jeff pic by lisa reid photography

Look 6 – One of my favourite parts of my job is to witness the little things that make a couple, a couple. I usually suggest a couple hold hands during their ceremony. Some don’t but most do. And I think those that do love that feeling of contentment they get when they hold the others hand, almost a “OK I can do this now!” it seems to help with the nerves. I love it when I look down at them holding hands and one of them in gently stroking the others hands with their thumbs, it’s such an intimate and loving action to perform to re-assure the other “don’t be nervous, it’s just me you’re talking to”

Look 7 – During the ceremony I suggest to the parents that they sit on the opposite side to their child, that way they get to look at their own child’s face during the ceremony.  When I am performing a ceremony I look into the faces of the guests and I always see a look of pride and absolute love on the parents faces as they witness their child getting married.

M&E-Wedding_7376-bbritwk-2smatte-re
Emma and Malcolm Pic by Wedding by Melt photography

Look 8 – This is not always a look but more of a conversation, after I pronounce a couple married and they share their first kiss, we then step to the side and sign the marriage licence, this is normally the first time a couple have had a chance to speak privately to each other on the day, and usually it’s a ‘you look stunning/beautiful/pretty’ type of conversation.  It’s always lovely to see a couple standing together, arms wrapped around each other, normally a bit relieved because the ceremony is out of the way and they can now get to the party section of the day, just enjoying the fact that they are surrrounded by their favourite people on such a magical day.

These looks are the kind of things that absolutely make me love my job.  The fact that I get to witness these types of looks, emotions, love, tears, declarations and laughter and see couples who are pledging to love and care for each other all their days, it absolutely makes my heart sing.

Celebrant Secrets

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All you need is love and … some insider info from a celebrant.

shannon and sean
Shannon and Sean

I’ve been lucky enough to do a job I adore and have been the celebrant at a lot of weddings, and every single one, I try and learn something from, especially the one’s where things maybe don’t go according to the plan.  I thought I would put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard in this case and share some of the things I’ve learnt to assist you in your wedding planning.

  • There will always be someone who turns up in jeans, regardless of the dress code.  My personal belief is that there are only two occasions where you should show your respect for an occasion and dress accordingly and that is a wedding and a funeral. Unless of course the dress code is super casual (eg jeans and t-shirt) you should always put on a nice pair of pants.
last chance
http://www.etsy.com
  • There will always be that one person who thinks it’s funny to say “There’s still time to run” to the groom before the ceremony.
  • Make sure your dress fits properly.  Make sure it is tailored specifically for your body, so you don’t have any gaping areas, or are not worried about ‘the girls’ accidentally falling out at any time.  It will look better for photos and you will feel and thus look better if you know it fits perfectly.
  • Make sure that grooms/groomsman have ironed their shirts and not just pulled them straight out of the packaging moments before the ceremony, and in advice from another celebrant you can read about here: People we love: Nicola Wall – Celebrant, make sure the gents have also tried on their pants, to make sure they are the right length, especially if they have been tailored for them.

    Every bride looks beautiful on their wedding day

  • Allow a lot more time for everything the week and day of the wedding, everything will take longer than you anticipate, in my experience with brides, especially hair and make-up. It will be easier to fill in extra time (think a sneaky champers with the girls) than to be in a panic because you are late. If you are having your photos before your ceremony then making sure you have budgeted enough time in the morning will make sure you have ample time to relax and get those awesome photos.
  • Weddings bring out the worst in people.  Especially family. Make sure everyone is on the same page with duties and expectations, otherwise it will drive you crazy and take the shine off your wedding.

loll

  • Lollipops are awesome distractors for little people on the big day during the ceremony.  Lollipops encourage them to generally stand still and they find it hard to make too much noise with their mouth full of lollipop.
  • Even the most chilled out bride will be stressed the day before the ceremony.  The key is to be organised, not just yourself but your groom, family and wedding party.
  • Don’t leave writing your vows till the day/evening before your wedding. It will put too much stress on yourself and make your celebrant tear her/his hair out.
  • Remember your wedding day should be a reflection and celebration of your love, not what great Aunty Fanny thinks you should have.
  • Have a plan B, just in case.
  • Every wedding is beautiful, whether it is big, small, expensive or on a budget.

I am absolutely honoured every time I get to bring together two people who have decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.  Every wedding is full of love and joy and those looks that lovebirds share with each other, and it makes my heart sing to be able to witness and share that each time.

When it’s all too much

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All you need is love and … how to elope!

Sometimes it all gets a bit too much.  Maybe every man and his dog is putting their two cents worth into your wedding planning, maybe the two of you are constantly arguing, maybe the mother in law is being well.. a mother in law, maybe the costs are spiralling out of control, maybe you’re looking at each other and thinking ‘maybe we should just elope?’ You definitely wouldn’t be the first people to have these thoughts and you probably won’t be the last.  So here’s the skinny of whether it’s a good idea for you and some things to consider when you’re making the decision about running away to get married.

 

  • Prepare yourself for family and friends reactions- You will probably be on the receiving end of some strong reactions from your loved ones.  You need to be steadfast in your decision and not apologise.
  • Take care of the legal details – Different countries have different rules and legalities when it comes to marriage, make sure you are aware of the requirements for the area you are getting married.
  • Make a list – Make a list before of all the important people you will want to contact on the day, after you get married, parents, siblings, best friends, and make sure you call them to let them know the news before you make a larger announcement.  It will lessen the impact and surprise if these important people know first.
  • Send out a marriage announcement – Maybe when you get back from your honeymoon or just your wedding day, make a more formal announcement, most people do this on Facebook etc to let the rest of your people know that you got married.  This means that people that came to your engagement party etc know what’s going on.
  • Don’t down play the day – Just because it’s not the big white extravaganza, doesn’t mean that you can’t make it special and important.  You can still have a special dress/suit, maybe a favourite meal/bottle of bubbles, whatever you like to make the day special and memorable.  Remember it’s still your wedding day.
  • Get good photos – Photos are all you will have left of the day, because you won’t have many (if any) guests, so take the time and expense to get good photos of the ceremony and day.  It helps the guests that didn’t get invited feel better if they can see photos of the day.
  • Post wedding party – You can opt to have a post wedding party when you get home, to celebrate with family and friends.  This will be more relaxed than a wedding would be and you still get to share this special time with your closest ones.

No doubt whichever way you do it, you will still hurt people’s feelings.  But remember that your wedding day should be about you and your love and your lives together, not petty bickering and jealousy among those important to you.

 

What does a best man do?

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All you need is love … and a great best man.

It’s an honour to be asked to be a best man.  It can be heaps of fun but also comes with a lot of responsibility.  Here’s a run down on what a best man does.

Before the wedding

  • Plan the stag party – probably the most fun aspect of the role.  It’s your job to plan what/when/how much for the stag party.
  • Tux/suit hire – it’s your job to help the groom sort out his suit for the wedding, whether he’s going to be buying or hiring.  It’s also your job to organise the other groomsman to make sure they’re all there when the suits are selected and for fittings.  That way you’re all matching.
  • Rehearsal – Attend the wedding rehearsal, usually the day before. Pay special attention to where you’ve got to be, when you have to be there. You will also need to ensure all the groomsman know where they have to be.
  • Help the groom on the wedding day – It’s your job to make sure you take the stress off the groom on the big day.  You need to help him dress, make sure he has everything he needs, and then give him and all the groomsmen a quick once over before you arrrive at the ceremony.

During the wedding ceremony

  • Distribute the boutonnieres (buttonholes) and make sure everyone is wearing them.
  • Hold the rings.  You either need to have the rings right from the beginning or you take the rings off the ring bearer.
  • Sign the marriage licence. You may be asked to sign the marriage licence to make the marriage official.  Make sure you bring it up at the rehearsal if the officiant doesn’t mention it.
  • Escort the maid of honour or bridesmaid out of the ceremony.

At the Reception

  • Best man toast – Perform the best man toast/speech at the reception.  Probably the most nerve-wracking part of the role.  There’s heaps of info on the internet about how to nail your best man speech.
  • Read the telegrams – or in today’s day and age, read any emails, tweets, facebook updates for the couple.
  • Dance with the maid of honour-It’s your job to get the party started once the first dance of the bride and groom is underway.
  • Decorate the getaway car.
  • Help to decorate the honeymoon suite with the maid of honour.
  • Suits back – take the grooms tux/suit back to the hire shop, if the couple are leaving for their honeymoon straight after wedding.

The gist of the role is that you are the right hand man for the groom, you are standing beside your best mate/brother to support him on one of the biggest/best day of his life. It is a honour to be asked, so make sure you are happy to fulfill the role to the best of your abilities before you say yes.

 

Real Life Wedding – Helena and Michael

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ringsAll you need is love and … a real life wedding.

brideandgroom

Helena and Michael

16 – 3 – 2013

Port Chalmers Town Hall, Dunedin, New Zealand

Wedding Dress: Bought Online – I did have some issues with the dress not being entirely the same as the picture on the internet site, and the flowers, one of the features I especially loved about the dress, needed to be re-made by a seamstress before being refastened to the dress.

helena

Bridesmaid Dresses: EziBuy

Photographer: Robert Jones

Hair: Petrina McFarlane  MakeUp: Lisa Leslie

michael

Grooms Attire: Volcom Stone Suit (Pinstripe)

Shoes: No 1 Shoes

Celebrant: Grace Ockwell

entrance

Flowers: Artificial (Black with a  diamante pin)

Cake: Stir Cupcakes, choc and red vanilla cupcakes

cakes

Catering: Just Essence

Best part of the day: Exchanging the wedding vows. As well as exchanging wedding vows between the two of us, Michael also presented Catie with a special signet ring and made some promises to her, she didn’t know what he had prepared so that made it extra special to both her and I. There wasn’t a dry eye among the guests at that stage of the ceremony. Definitely a special moment among the three of us.

catie

Anything you would do differently: Video the day.

Ideas, Inspiration: Bridal Magazines, Internet, Pinterest.

tablesetting

Colours: Black and White (Michael’s sports team colours)

How did you pick your wedding party: Sisters and close friends.

weddingparty

Best piece of advice: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t try and keep everyone happy, you won’t.  It’s your day so don’t worry who’s toes you might step on

Tips for brides: Do everything, as much as you can online! Bargain hunt (shop around) Enjoy the day, because it’s over in a flash.  Don’t focus all your energy on the wedding day, it’s only one day, the marriage is for the rest of your life.  Get plenty of sleep the night before.

weddingcar

Anything that didn’t go according to plan: the boys got lost on the way to the photo location, and the fridge broke down at the reception.  Was definitely the best day ever.

Starting the journey. From engaged to married.

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All you need is love and …to follow a real life wedding planning journey.

I’d like to introduce you all to Sharmain and Jeremy.

Sharmain and Jeremy
Sharmain and Jeremy

 These two love birds just got engaged and their journey from engaged to married is going to be a regular feature, where every month I will check in with them to see how the wedding planning process is going.

So let me tell you a little about these two. Sharmain is 22 and her fiance Jeremy is 31. They have been together for just over 4 years and engaged for 3 weeks.  They met at work where he hit her with a door (I’m assuming accidentally) and the rest they say is history.

Jeremy proposed to Sharmain while they were on holiday in Auckland celebrating their 4 year anniversary.  Sharmain has an absolute love of animals (we’ll probably hear more about that later) so Jeremy decided that proposing to her at the Auckland Zoo would be perfect. He felt that its a place they don’t have a chance to visit everyday (since they live in Dunedin) and somewhere they hope they can one day take their children back to. So after hours of wandering around the zoo,  just before the zoo closed, Jeremy told Sharmain to take one last photo at the tiger enclosure, so she took the photo and then when she turned back around to put the camera away, Jeremy was down on his knee. Pretty romantic move if you ask me.

So first Sharmain cried, as you do, then called her mother, as you do. Then Jeremy called his parents to tell them she was crying, apparently they had already been let in on his secret before they left for the trip.  So after some more texts and phone calls to close friends and family it was announced on social media, and then the whole world knew.

The Ring
The Ring

The ring came from Pascoes the Jewellers, and  Jeremy admits it was fairly easy to do a bit of window shopping and then sneakily purchase the ring due to the two of them not having the same days off work, and unknown to Sharmain she had been inadvertently  giving Jeremy ideas of styles she liked.

They haven’t set a wedding date yet, but are considering early 2018.  Which will give them plenty of time to hopefully have a relaxed wedding planning process. It’s important to Sharmain and Jeremy that they have an enjoyable and memorable day but that is still remains their wedding.

As part of the planning process Sharmain is hoping to get advice from family and friends who have been through the wedding planning process and has signed up to Pinterest ( like every good bride should) and is now a regular purchaser of  bridal magazines.

Each month we’ll check in to see how the process is going, what’s been done, how everyone’s feeling, if there are any issues etc.  I’m looking forward to seeing a real life wedding unfold.  Let the fun begin!

All you need is …advice on how to propose.

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All you need is love and advice on how to propose.

 

So this is it, she’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now it’s time to think about how to propose.  Proposals are one of those things that women love to tell everyone about, when they show off the ring, so you want to make it great.  Here’s some do’s and dont’s on how to propose like a boss.

  • Decide if you want to ask her parents – some women may find it sexist and/or offensive if you do this, others will love it, and it could score you some great brownie points with the in-laws.  If you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with her, then you should know the answer to whether you should ask or not.
  • Figure out whether you should buy the ring or let her choose one – you will have a pretty good idea whether she wants to pick her own ring or not. Talk to friends, even take one shopping with you, to get the perfect one.
  • Decide on the day – Do you have a meaningful day? (anniversary of first meeting etc) or birthday or Christmas. There’s definitely pros and cons to choosing a special day, you can do it in front of family and friends who can help you celebrate. On the other hand you will always share the day with another special occasion, which could take the shine off it.
  • Decide location – do you have a favourite, meaningful spot you want to use? Try to get a sense of whether she would want a big public proposal or something more private.
  • Getting down on one knee is always a good idea.
  • Clothes make the man – Be dressed in your best, suited for the occasion and location.  Remember there will probably be photos/selfies, so you want to be looking your best.
  • Don’t over-complicate it – the best proposals are the simple, heartfelt ones
  • Calm your nerves – practice what you want to say. Remember she will probably remember what you say for the rest of her life, make it count.

 

  • Big no-no’s – Don’t propose while you’re drunk, or hungover. Don’t hide the ring in food, so many ways that can do wrong. Don’t break the law to propose. Don’t propose to stop her being angry at you in the middle of a fight.

This is a once in a lifetime deal, make sure you give it the thought/planning it deserves, and good luck.