Tag: wedding ceremony

How to honour those who can’t be at the wedding.

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All you need is love… and ways to honour those who can’t be there at the wedding.

Weddings are special days. They are days of celebration where you surround yourself with those who you love and who love you.  Sometimes those you love aren’t able to help you celebrate your big day.

There are a few things to think about when deciding to how to honour the memory of someone special who has passed.

  • How fresh is the wound – how long ago did the person pass.  Have you and the guests had a chance to grieve privately before the event.  Will a special mention on the day be too much for you or your guests, and overshadow the joy of the day.
  • How much attention to you want to draw to the honouring -Sometimes too much attention will take the focus off the fact that it is a wedding and a happy occasion.
  • What’s most appropriate for the person – What’s the personality of the person you want to honour, would they want want a big fuss make of them?

Here’s some suggestions for elements you can add to either your ceremony or reception to bring attention to and honour your loved ones.

  • Wear something – wear something of their’s, a piece of jewellery or a tie would be perfect.  It could also cover your something borrowed.
  • Tribute in the ceremony program – If you are using a ceremony program you could add a small remembrance piece, or if you have a welcome sign at the entrance to your wedding space you could add something there.
  • Light a candle of remembrance – as part of your wedding ceremony you can light a candle of remembrance, or have a candle lit during your reception.

  • Photo table – use photo’s of important people to decorate a table at your reception.
  • Toast to their memory – you could include a toast as part of your ceremony of use their favourite tipple to toast to them during the speeches at your reception.
  • Reading/poem during the ceremony – have either the celebrant or a friend/family perform a reading during the ceremony and dedicate it to your loved one.
  • Favours – Use your wedding favours to celebrate that special person. Use a charitable donation (to their favourite charity) in their name as your wedding favours.
  • Moment of silence – add a moment of silence to your wedding ceremony, usually at the beginning after you walk down the aisle, to remember your special person.
  • Save a seat – leave a seat in the front row spare with their name on it, to honour where they would have sat.
  • Piece of clothing – sew a piece of their clothing into the inside of your wedding gown or into your suit jacket.

  • Charms – use photo charms or jewellery charms either in or on your bouquet so your loved ones walk down the aisle with you.
  • Hankerchief – use a loved one’s hankerchief to wipe away your happy tears on your wedding day.

  • Wedding shoes – place a photo or name of your special person on the bottom of your wedding shoes, so they can walk you down the aisle.

There are lots of special ways to honour those who you wish could be there to help you celebrate your wedding day.  

The role of a Master of Ceremony

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All you need is love … and a great Master of Ceremony

When I talk to a couple in the initial stages of their wedding ceremony planning I always ask if they have organised who will be their MC.  The MC is the person I will liaise with on the wedding day if there are any issues, and it is also the person who I give the couple’s marriage licence to after the wedding.  So when choosing your MC think about the person who you know will not leave the licence on the back seat of the taxi on the way home.

Why have a MC?

A MC will be like a ‘Person Friday’ on your wedding day.  They will be the person who will be the point of contact for any guest questions, any vendor questions, and ensure the smooth running of the wedding day.  They are not just for the speeches at the wedding reception.

How to choose an MC

  • Choose someone who’s personality fits the tone of your wedding/wedding reception. If you want it to be humorous/casual then choose someone who can pull that off, if you’re going for a more formal/traditional vibe then go for someone that way inclined, normally someone a little older.
  • Choose someone who feels comfortable speaking to an audience.
  • Choose someone who is organised and a good communicator, someone who can keep to your time line, and can communicate to event staff to ensure everything runs smoothly.
  • Someone with a can-do attitude, who is going to be OK pitching in to help when needed.
  • Someone who either doesn’t drink, can stay sober or can control their drinking, they need to be in control throughout the day/night.

How to be a stellar MC

  • Spend some time before the wedding, liaising with the bride and groom to create a time line of the day.  It’s a great idea to also be at the wedding rehearsal to make sure you have a good grasp on what’s going to happen. Make sure you know the names of the bridal party, parents, grandparents, it makes it a bit more personal.
  • Test the microphone before the reception, and practice using the volume and the acoustics of the space.
  • Make sure you are seated near the front so you don’t have to constantly move through the guests to get to the microphone.
  • Introduce yourself at the beginning, and a little spiel about how you know the bride and groom.
  • Be humorous, but appropriate, remember there will probably be grandparents/and or small children at the reception. No jokes about what happened on the stag night!
  • Introduce the speakers, and make sure you actually know who they are before hand, so you’re not aimlessly looking into the crowd after you introduce them.
  • Be able to go with the flow, sometimes things don’t always go according to plan, be able to roll with it.
  • Communicate with event staff, bride and groom, parents etc. Make sure every one knows what’s going to happen and when.
  • Be the point of contact for event staff, you may need to be able to perform last minute errands, if someone forgets something, or you run out of juice etc.
  • Stay relatively sober.  No one wants to listen to a slurring MC.
  • You will be the person to make announcements during the day, family photos, social media requests, when dinner is served, introducing the bride and groom, cutting the cake and the first dance.
  • Make sure the guests are aware of the house rules at the beginning of the reception, where the toilets are, smoking etc.

It is an honour to be asked to be a MC, its a big job which can definitely have an impact on a couples wedding day.  Think carefully when choosing a MC and think carefully before saying you’ll do it.

What does a celebrant do?

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All you need is love … and a good celebrant!

Being a celebrant is, in my eyes the best job ever! I get to meet many different couples, each wedding is different, just like each couple is different, and it is my job to make each ceremony a reflection of their love story and their personalities.

My journey with a couple usually begins when they contact me, to ask if I am available for their planned wedding date. These enquiries come either by email, my Facebook page or by phone, from that first contact I will check whether I am free on their wedding day, and then organise a time to visit with the couple, usually at their own home (I know how hard it can be for couples, especially with small children, to find time to meet with wedding vendors). Almost every time I  visit a couple for the first time, they always say:

“We haven’t done this before and have no idea where to start”

which is where I come in, kinda like ‘Super woman’ It’s my job to help a couple make their wedding ceremony perfect.  I know the legal bits we have to do, and I have tons of information about what else we can include to suit a couple, e.g, info about including children, remembrance pieces, unity ceremonies, readings.

My first visit with a couple is non-obligational, which means that it’s just a informal chat about what they have planned and what I offer, it gives us all a chance to suss each other out and decide if we are all on the same wavelength. I always take copies of two different ceremonies I have written, a job description (so nearly-weds know what my role entails) and all my contact details. I tell couples at that meeting that I will message them the next day to make sure they still want to book me.  It’s a bit unfair/awkward to expect couples to make a call when I’m sitting across the table from them, and they haven’t had a chance to chat in private about how awesome I am!

After they go ahead and confirm they want to book me, I book them in for their wedding date, and send them an invoice for my services. I require a deposit to be paid within 7 days of agreeing to use me as their celebrant, and I give information on how to pay the deposit.  I  then let  them know that  I will be in contact about 2-3 months out from the wedding date to start the next step of writing their wedding ceremony. In the mean time they are to think about anything they want to include in the ceremony/vows.  I tell couples to make notes of anything they see, read, hear that they like, and we can use that info to craft their ceremony.  I also recommend pinterest and  offbeat bride website.  I like to keep an open dialogue with a couple leading up to the wedding, so encourage them to contact me if they have any questions about the wedding ceremony or the wedding day.  Because I have contacts in the wedding industry I can offer information or recommendations for other wedding vendors.

A week out from the next scheduled meeting I will email them some homework, it is a list of questions which I ask, which gives me a better understanding of their personalities and how their relationship works, it’s very interesting what the answers reveal. The more information I gather from these homework questions and the subsequent meeting, the better the wedding ceremony.

From that meeting, and armed with all the ammunition I can get from the meetings, I sit down and write a draft ceremony for the couple.  I pride myself on making a ceremony as personal as we can get it.  When that is completed I email it to the couple to have a look at, making sure they are aware that we can absolutely change anything they don’t like.  We play around with the ceremony until it is completely perfect, then it goes into the folder to wait until the wedding day.

I give a couple information on obtaining their marriage licence (an absolute necessity for the ceremony to actually be legal) and will continue to ‘nag’ them until they contact me to tell me they have it. When they finally get it from the courts, I tell them to let me know and I will come and collect it from them, that way they have no chance of losing it before the big day, and it goes into the folder with the ceremony until the big day.

Then it’s time for the couple to work on writing their wedding vows (if they are choosing to write them themselves) I contact them regularly to ensure they are on track, and to see if they need any help with writing their vows.  I know they can be tricky, and some people are vowely-challenged.

Once I receive the vows, I print them out onto a personalised nice piece of card, (and I have the vows the wedding day, so no chance of a bride and/or groom forgetting them on the day) I put everything together, so it is ready for the rehearsal. At the scheduled rehearsal  we go over the logistics of the ceremony, who’s going to stand where, what’s going to happen when, music (I create a personalised playlist for each couple on Spotify) and have this on my cellphone which plugs into my PA system and the music and microphone runs through this.  It’s one less thing for a couple to think about on their wedding day.

I arrive at the wedding ceremony at least 45 minutes early, to ensure everything is set up, to calm the groom, and to chat with the guests.  Then its ceremony time, the fun part. I guide the couple and guests through the wedding ceremony, make sure the legalities (sign the paperwork) are all taken care of. Congratulate the couple after the ceremony, take a #celebrantselfie and then quietly leave the couple and their guests to enjoy the rest of the day.

I always provide couples with a package on their wedding day, in it is a copy of their ceremony (it can be hard for a couple to remember what was said on their wedding day, because of all the emotion going on, so it’s nice to have a copy to look back on), the package also includes the couple’s vows cards as a momento  of the day, their marriage licence, and a little feedback form.

I follow up with the couple the next day, via email, to ensure they had a great day, and don’t have any questions, and post away the paperwork.

I love what I do and are always blown away that I get to do this as a job, and I take what I do absolutely seriously, but that doesn’t mean we can have a little fun with it.  I am always honoured to be a part of a couples wedding day, it’s definitely a privilege.

Putting pen to paper – how to write your wedding vows

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All you need is love and … advice on writing your wedding vows

Legally in New Zealand a wedding ceremony only has to have one part to satisfy the ‘powers that be’ and that is the ‘I do’ piece. Everything else if totally up to you, so you can perform an interpretative dance if you feel the need ( I quite often offer that option to people, but usually they so no, not sure why)  I generally structure a wedding with welcome, love story, vows, I Do’s, ring exchange, husband and wife, kiss, party!

Your wedding vows are very personal, it is the part of the ceremony where you are speaking directly to your beloved, not the guests. I describe it as the part where you share your gratitude to the other person and your promises for your shared life ahead. They can be tricky and most people struggle with them, use your celebrant to give you some pointers, and to proof read them before you commit to them.

Things to consider when writing your vows:

  • Decide on the tone of the vows – are you going to write them together, or separately? Are you going to keep them secret for the big day? Are they going to be funny or totally serious? Are they going to be the same or totally different?
  • Read as much inspiration as you can get your hands on – the good thing about Uncle Google is that there are wedding vows all over the place. Spend some time having a look on-line and making a note of what you like.
  • Think about the future – how will your vows sound 10,20.30 years from now?
  • Pinterest – it will be your best friend in this situation, tons of inspiration there.
  • Questions to ask yourself – Why are we getting married? Where do I see myself in 10, 20 years from now? How does your partner inspire you? What do you miss about them when they’re not around? What surprised you about them? What have they taught you? What challenges have you met together? What did you think when you first saw them?
  • Don’t leave it too late – Yes you think you’ve got tons of time, but it will run out pretty quickly when planning a wedding. Don’t leave it till the last minute and be doing it the night before.
  • Vows are just for you and your partner – sure everyone is going to hear them, but remember that you are speaking directly to your loved one.
  • Vows should sound like you.  There is no point copying someone else’s long love poem if that is not really you.  Your partner will appreciate it more if it comes from your heart and sounds like you.

Remember it’s your wedding day so do it your way.

All you need is … to keep calm on your wedding day.

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All you need is love and … to keep calm on your wedding day.

We all know weddings are stressful, especially if you’re a bit of a control freak, like me. You have that overwhelming feeling that no one is going to be able to do it properly except you.

Here’s some tips to keep the stress levels down and let you actually enjoy your wedding day.

  • You don’t have to please everyone – your day is about you and your groom, not your mother in law, not Great Aunty Fanny, but the two of you. Make sure your wedding day reflects who you two are.
  • Keep communication lines open – if you’re nervous, let someone know, if your feeling overwhelmed, let someone know.  You will be surrounded by loved ones on your wedding day, tell someone how you’re feeling so you can get help if you need to.
  • Delegate – you picked your maid of honour, or bridesmaids because you trusted them right? So now is when you call on them to help you out. Make sure they are aware of your expectations on the day.
  • Look after yourself – make sure you eat the morning of your wedding, breakfast and lunch.  Make sure you stay hydrated.  Get some exercise in the morning if you know that will make you feel better.  Take some time to yourself among all the chaos, to just breathe and reflect.
  • Have an emergency kit organised – make sure your bridesmaids know where it is and who’s responsibility it is to take it with you. See previous post https://angelaport.com/2015/10/03/all-you-need-is-a-wedding-day-emergency-kit/ for what should be in your emergency kit.

 

  • Remain focused on what’s important – it’s not just an expensive party, you’re getting married !!!
  • Pace yourself – it’s going to be a emotional, long day, filled with friends and family.  Don’t drink too much before you even get to the wedding ceremony.  Remember it’s ok to take some time for yourself or for the two of you to sneak away for a quiet moment together.
  • Have an itinerary/timeline of the day – make a detailed timeline of the day, who’s going to do what, when etc, and make sure everyone has a copy of it, especially the groom. It will make everyone feel a lot more relaxed on the day.

 

  • Make some “Call anyone except the bride” cards – these cards list contact details of everyone who has responsibility on the day. It means you won’t be contacted if the flowers don’t get delivered, or great Aunty Fanny gets lost, let someone else handle that.
  • Plan B – at the rehearsal, decide who will make the call if Plan B needs to be executed, due to weather etc, then that person needs to contact anyone who needs to know about the change in plans. Decide at what time the decision will be made, so everyone’s on the same page.

Remember everyone you have invited to the wedding loves and cares about you, so only want the best for you. They won’t mind if things don’t go according to plan, or you cry during the ceremony.  Just relax and remember it’s not just a wedding it’s a marriage you’re creating.

All you need is … my real life wedding

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All you need is love .. my real life wedding.

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So nearly 21 years ago meet the man of my dreams in a dingy nightclub on New Years Eve, see you can meet your husband in a bar. 16 years ago on July 17 1999 we tied the knot.

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Of course we had the best wedding, I married the man of my dreams how could it not have been the best wedding. But it was probably not everyone’s idea of the perfect wedding.  We only decided about 3 weeks before that we were going to get married, and it was a bit of a rush to get everything sorted.

We got married at Langholm Beach in Auckland, it rained, but then again it was the middle of winter, and they say it’s good luck if it rains on your wedding day.  We had 13 guests, just immediate family and some close friends. We got married on the beach and then made our way back up the hill and had a Chinese buffet dinner and drinkies at my in laws house.  It was pretty perfect, very relaxed and casual.

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All the wedding guests

I bought my dress from a store in a mall, it’s not a wedding dress, wedding dress, but I love it and have now had it shortened and worn it again. Tristan bought his suit from a flash suit shop (it cost more than my dress did), I told my bestie/bridesmaid to wear whatever she wanted.  I bought my flowers from the local florist on the morning of the wedding, and just tied them together with some raffia. We bought the cake from a local cafe the day before (bread and butter pudding cake) and it was delicious. We spent the night laughing and eating and just enjoying spending time with our loved ones.  We then got chauffered off to town and stayed the night at a flash hotel in town, where we spent the night chatting about how awesome our day was.

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Please excuse the quality of the photos, we didn’t have a professional photographer, we just gave everyone a disposable camera (remember them) and told them to snap away, and this was before digital photography, so I had to take photos of the photos out of the album to use.