Category: wedding essentials

It’s all about me!!

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All you need is love and … a little bit about me.

Here’s the ‘about me’ post.

me

I probably should have done this post at the very beginning, but I guess I got too carried away with providing you readers with great wedding inspiration and advice, and since I almost always get asked by my couples why I’m a celebrant, I thought I’d give you all a run down on me.

  • I’m 41 years old, which in celebrant circles is quite young, and I find in alot of cases this works in my favour.
  • I’ve been married for 16 years.
IMG_20151016_184954232
My wedding day 17 July 1999
  • I had a very small wedding on the beach which you can read about here, in a post I prepared earlier: All you need is … my real life wedding
  • I have a 9 year old son, Max, who occassionally is my assistant/ bag carrier at wedding rehearsals.
max
Max
  • Tristan (husband) and I are originally from Auckland, we moved to Dunedin about 13 years ago, not knowing anyone.
  • Pre Max (the 9 year old) I was a Store Manager for Countdown, I still work part time for Countdown.
  • I am an absolute magazine addict, nothing beats that feeling of a new issue in my hot little hands.
  • I became a celebrant nearly 3 years ago, after offering to MC a friends wedding (which you can read about here Real Life Wedding – Helena and Michael) I really enjoyed the process of putting together the speeches,  and co-ordinating the day, and thought to myself afterwards, ‘how can I do more of this?’
shannon and sean
Here’s an action shot of me, doing my thing!
  • My favourite things: Husband and Child, cheese and shoes, in that order.
  • I love my job because: there’s not many jobs where everyones happy. People may be stressed out and nervous before hand, but there’s nothing like that first smile exchanged between a bride and groom on their wedding day.
  • I have a Type A personality, which tends to drive the husband crazy, but is perfect for being a celebrant. I am extremely organised, and will have solutions to problems that you didn’t even know where problems.
  • I am calm, (probably because I’m so organised) which is great for re-assuring nervous grooms before the bride arrives, and for leading a couple through the the entire wedding ceremony planning process with humour and care. Couples always say to me afterwards “Wow! That was easy” which means I’ve done my job well.
ellie and phill
Here’s some lovely words from Ellie and Phil
  • One of the best parts of my job is: the fact that only a small part of the ceremony has to be done (legally) so couples are generally surprised with what they can include or exclude in their ceremony, making it completely about them, the best kind of ceremony in my opinion.
  • I’ve married all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds in all sorts of locations, and that’s one of my favourite things about the job, you never really know what you’re going to get when you knock on someones door for an initial meeting.
  • I could not do this job without my support crew, the darling husband, and the village of friends who help out with love, childcare and laughter.  These people I’m lucky enough to have in my life, who allow me to continue to do my dream job.
  • I have just celebrated my 50th wedding. It is an absolute honour to be a part of a couples special day.

Feel free to hit me up or get in touch if there’s something I haven’t answered that you’re dying to know about.

Rehearsal? Hells yeah!!

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All you need is love and … a wedding rehearsal.

Fridays in wedding season are rehearsal days for our house hold.  Why? … because I believe a rehearsal is an essential part of the wedding planning process.

I have a checklist that I use for every wedding rehearsal to ensure that I cover all the essentials before the big day.

Here’s whats on my checklist:

Logistics – where is everyone going to stand, the guys – hands in front vs behind, suits open vs closed, how far apart will they stand?

 

 

Rings – Who will have them, are they carried by the ringbearer, or just held by the best man? If carried by the ringbearer when will he give them to the best man at the beginning or will he be responsible enough to hold onto them throughout the ceremony and then give them to me for the ring exchange?

Signing of the marriage licence – who are the witnesses, do they know they are signing, where are we going to do the signing?

Procession (walking in) – the order of the processional, how the bridesmaids should walk, where to, where they should stand.  Where should the flower girl/ring bearer walk to and stand during the ceremony.

 

Double check of all pronounication of names – do I have the pronounication correct?

Recessional (walking out) – where to walk to, who’s walking with who (sometimes its the first time bridesmaids/groomsman meet each other)

Touch base with the MC – who are they, what time will they be there on the day, let them know I will be giving the couples copy of the marriage licence to them on the day, and remind them not to leave it on the back seat of the taxi (haha)

Music – who will be controlling the music? If we are using my PA then teach who ever is going to be in charge of the music how to control the volume etc. Also use the rehearsal to time the music to make sure the bridesmaid and bride know when to start walking etc.

 

Any special elements – if there are any special elements to the wedding – ring warming/unity ceremony etc, its a good chance to make sure everyone knows where that’s going to be done, and how.

Microphone – test the volume for the event.

Pick up the licence – take the licence from the couple, so I have it for the wedding day, and there’s no chance of it being forgotten.

Vows/Readings – show the bride and groom how the vows are written out for them and that I will have them on the day for them, and show whoever is doing a reading how that is written and where they will stand while they are doing the reading.

Wedding rehearsals can be done anytime during the week leading up to the wedding, if you have little people in your bridal party I think it’s best to do it the day before, because they have such small attention spans/memories, they need to know what they are going to do tomorrow, not in 3 days time, they won’t remember that far away.

A rehearsal settles everyone’s nerves, a wedding day can be stressful enough, so my aim to to make sure everyone feels happy about where/what/how they are going to do on the day.

Brides wedding day time line

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All you need is love and … a good wedding day time line.

 

 

Many a bride has been stressed out trying to figure out how to fit everything into the wedding day morning, and many a bride has been a tad later than she may have wanted to  be to the ceremony because of unexpected things cropping up, and everything taking longer than you expected.

Here’s a rough guideline for a bride and her girls to follow on D Day.  It may look extreme in terms of how much time has been allocated and the time things need to kick off, but it gives you some down time. And in my personal opinion isn’t it better to have time to sit around and hang with the girls than be rushing and stressing and getting flustered. This time line is based on a 3pm kick off.

9.00am – Sleep in, enjoy the time in bed, relaxing before the chaos of the day. Have breakfast, remember you’re going to need fuel to get through the day.  Make sure you keep your fluids up too (and I don’t mean champers!) it’s going to be a long day.

 

9.30am – Shower and wash your hair (although you may want to check with your hairdresser first, sometimes slightly unclean hair is better for up do’s than clean hair). Put on a button down shirt, or a dressing gown, something you’re not going to have to lift over your head later when you get dressed.

10.30am – Hairdresser arrives.  You may want to start by getting your hair down first, that way if it takes longer than expected, the hairdresser won’t be rushing with your hair at the last moment.

11.30am – Make up starts. You may want to decide whether you want yours done first or last (to make it last longer). My opinion is to get the bride’s done first, that way you know you and/or your make up artist isn’t rushing.

12.30pm -Photographer arrives at the grooms to take photo’s of the groom and the boys getting ready.

1pm – Photographer arrives for shots of bride and her girls getting ready. They will want to take shots of the bride by herself, but also shots of the dress, shoes etc.

2pm – Mother of the bride leaves for the venue. Groom and the boys leave for the venue.

2.30pm – Bride leaves with her girls and her dad.  This leaves time for photo’s of the bride arriving at the venue.

3pm – It’s wedding time.

 

This is a brief run down, you may want to ask your hairdresser/make-up artist and photographer what they think about the timing.  You want to make sure you have more time than you think you’re going to need, in my experience everything will take longer than you think it will.  Nothing is going to ruin your day more than being stressed out about running out of time, and keeping people waiting.

Why you need a Plan ‘B’

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All you need is love and … a Plan B.

This post is bought to you by the letter B, as in Plan B!

Sometimes as much as you plan your little heart out, the weather gods don’t understand and don’t play ball.  You can cross your fingers and toes and anything else you can cross, but sometimes it just doesn’t work in your favour.

It’s really important when you’re planning your wedding to have a ‘Plan B’, you may not want to think about it, or talk about it, or imagine it or dream about it, but it’s a necessary evil.  Your guests will thank you for it, in the long run.

When you are visiting potential venues, you may like to ask about what the Plan B option is.  Do they have somewhere where you can hold the ceremony if (god forbid) it’s not ideal weather?  Do they have somewhere onsite or will you need to have another location as backup?  As much as your heart may be set on an outdoor location in the sunshine (and as Kiwi’s we love a good outdoor wedding), you need to consider, if it’s threatening to rain on your day, do you want to be stressing about whether that downpour will will show its face  just at wedding 0’clock, also think about your guests having to traipse around on sodden grass in high heels, do you want your and your bridesmaid’s dresses dragging through mud on the way to the ceremony?  Do you think gumboots are appropriate footwear for a wedding?

 

Other things to consider: when are you going to make the call about the change of venue? Who’s going to make the call? How are you going to contact your guests, vendors, celebrant if you do need to change location? Do you need to decorate the back up location in a different way than your original location, what may work in one spot may not work in your alternative.

If you are having an outdoor wedding, you will need to nominate alternative location on your marriage licence, just incase.

It may be slightly devastating to not have your wedding in the location of your dreams on a warm sunny afternoon, especially if you have been planning it for a loooong time.  But what I say to all my brides is ‘remember what the day is about, it’s about marrying the love of your life, and at the end of the day that’s all thats important’

Celebrant Secrets

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All you need is love and … some insider info from a celebrant.

shannon and sean
Shannon and Sean

I’ve been lucky enough to do a job I adore and have been the celebrant at a lot of weddings, and every single one, I try and learn something from, especially the one’s where things maybe don’t go according to the plan.  I thought I would put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard in this case and share some of the things I’ve learnt to assist you in your wedding planning.

  • There will always be someone who turns up in jeans, regardless of the dress code.  My personal belief is that there are only two occasions where you should show your respect for an occasion and dress accordingly and that is a wedding and a funeral. Unless of course the dress code is super casual (eg jeans and t-shirt) you should always put on a nice pair of pants.
last chance
http://www.etsy.com
  • There will always be that one person who thinks it’s funny to say “There’s still time to run” to the groom before the ceremony.
  • Make sure your dress fits properly.  Make sure it is tailored specifically for your body, so you don’t have any gaping areas, or are not worried about ‘the girls’ accidentally falling out at any time.  It will look better for photos and you will feel and thus look better if you know it fits perfectly.
  • Make sure that grooms/groomsman have ironed their shirts and not just pulled them straight out of the packaging moments before the ceremony, and in advice from another celebrant you can read about here: People we love: Nicola Wall – Celebrant, make sure the gents have also tried on their pants, to make sure they are the right length, especially if they have been tailored for them.

    Every bride looks beautiful on their wedding day

  • Allow a lot more time for everything the week and day of the wedding, everything will take longer than you anticipate, in my experience with brides, especially hair and make-up. It will be easier to fill in extra time (think a sneaky champers with the girls) than to be in a panic because you are late. If you are having your photos before your ceremony then making sure you have budgeted enough time in the morning will make sure you have ample time to relax and get those awesome photos.
  • Weddings bring out the worst in people.  Especially family. Make sure everyone is on the same page with duties and expectations, otherwise it will drive you crazy and take the shine off your wedding.

loll

  • Lollipops are awesome distractors for little people on the big day during the ceremony.  Lollipops encourage them to generally stand still and they find it hard to make too much noise with their mouth full of lollipop.
  • Even the most chilled out bride will be stressed the day before the ceremony.  The key is to be organised, not just yourself but your groom, family and wedding party.
  • Don’t leave writing your vows till the day/evening before your wedding. It will put too much stress on yourself and make your celebrant tear her/his hair out.
  • Remember your wedding day should be a reflection and celebration of your love, not what great Aunty Fanny thinks you should have.
  • Have a plan B, just in case.
  • Every wedding is beautiful, whether it is big, small, expensive or on a budget.

I am absolutely honoured every time I get to bring together two people who have decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.  Every wedding is full of love and joy and those looks that lovebirds share with each other, and it makes my heart sing to be able to witness and share that each time.

When it’s all too much

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All you need is love and … how to elope!

Sometimes it all gets a bit too much.  Maybe every man and his dog is putting their two cents worth into your wedding planning, maybe the two of you are constantly arguing, maybe the mother in law is being well.. a mother in law, maybe the costs are spiralling out of control, maybe you’re looking at each other and thinking ‘maybe we should just elope?’ You definitely wouldn’t be the first people to have these thoughts and you probably won’t be the last.  So here’s the skinny of whether it’s a good idea for you and some things to consider when you’re making the decision about running away to get married.

 

  • Prepare yourself for family and friends reactions- You will probably be on the receiving end of some strong reactions from your loved ones.  You need to be steadfast in your decision and not apologise.
  • Take care of the legal details – Different countries have different rules and legalities when it comes to marriage, make sure you are aware of the requirements for the area you are getting married.
  • Make a list – Make a list before of all the important people you will want to contact on the day, after you get married, parents, siblings, best friends, and make sure you call them to let them know the news before you make a larger announcement.  It will lessen the impact and surprise if these important people know first.
  • Send out a marriage announcement – Maybe when you get back from your honeymoon or just your wedding day, make a more formal announcement, most people do this on Facebook etc to let the rest of your people know that you got married.  This means that people that came to your engagement party etc know what’s going on.
  • Don’t down play the day – Just because it’s not the big white extravaganza, doesn’t mean that you can’t make it special and important.  You can still have a special dress/suit, maybe a favourite meal/bottle of bubbles, whatever you like to make the day special and memorable.  Remember it’s still your wedding day.
  • Get good photos – Photos are all you will have left of the day, because you won’t have many (if any) guests, so take the time and expense to get good photos of the ceremony and day.  It helps the guests that didn’t get invited feel better if they can see photos of the day.
  • Post wedding party – You can opt to have a post wedding party when you get home, to celebrate with family and friends.  This will be more relaxed than a wedding would be and you still get to share this special time with your closest ones.

No doubt whichever way you do it, you will still hurt people’s feelings.  But remember that your wedding day should be about you and your love and your lives together, not petty bickering and jealousy among those important to you.

 

What does a best man do?

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All you need is love … and a great best man.

It’s an honour to be asked to be a best man.  It can be heaps of fun but also comes with a lot of responsibility.  Here’s a run down on what a best man does.

Before the wedding

  • Plan the stag party – probably the most fun aspect of the role.  It’s your job to plan what/when/how much for the stag party.
  • Tux/suit hire – it’s your job to help the groom sort out his suit for the wedding, whether he’s going to be buying or hiring.  It’s also your job to organise the other groomsman to make sure they’re all there when the suits are selected and for fittings.  That way you’re all matching.
  • Rehearsal – Attend the wedding rehearsal, usually the day before. Pay special attention to where you’ve got to be, when you have to be there. You will also need to ensure all the groomsman know where they have to be.
  • Help the groom on the wedding day – It’s your job to make sure you take the stress off the groom on the big day.  You need to help him dress, make sure he has everything he needs, and then give him and all the groomsmen a quick once over before you arrrive at the ceremony.

During the wedding ceremony

  • Distribute the boutonnieres (buttonholes) and make sure everyone is wearing them.
  • Hold the rings.  You either need to have the rings right from the beginning or you take the rings off the ring bearer.
  • Sign the marriage licence. You may be asked to sign the marriage licence to make the marriage official.  Make sure you bring it up at the rehearsal if the officiant doesn’t mention it.
  • Escort the maid of honour or bridesmaid out of the ceremony.

At the Reception

  • Best man toast – Perform the best man toast/speech at the reception.  Probably the most nerve-wracking part of the role.  There’s heaps of info on the internet about how to nail your best man speech.
  • Read the telegrams – or in today’s day and age, read any emails, tweets, facebook updates for the couple.
  • Dance with the maid of honour-It’s your job to get the party started once the first dance of the bride and groom is underway.
  • Decorate the getaway car.
  • Help to decorate the honeymoon suite with the maid of honour.
  • Suits back – take the grooms tux/suit back to the hire shop, if the couple are leaving for their honeymoon straight after wedding.

The gist of the role is that you are the right hand man for the groom, you are standing beside your best mate/brother to support him on one of the biggest/best day of his life. It is a honour to be asked, so make sure you are happy to fulfill the role to the best of your abilities before you say yes.

 

Wedding Hacks

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All you need is love and … some real life wedding hacks.

 

We all know planning a wedding is stressful even for the most organised person, and we all know that millions of people have done it a million different ways before you, so why not learn from their wisdom.

  • Heel protectors – these cute/simple devices slip onto the heel of your stillettos and allow you to walk and stand gracefully on the grass on your wedding day.  They are a life saver and a must for all brides who are going to be walking on grass at some stage of their wedding day.
  • Have a 2-3 tier cake for display/cutting at the reception – but serve guests from a more inexpensive sheet cake thats hidden in the kitchen.
  • Number the back of your RSVP Cards – place a small number on the back of your rsvp cards then have a corresponding guest list.  That way if someone’s writing is illegible or they don’t fill the card in you’ll know who it’s from.
  • Limit your guest list – I know you want to invite everyone but when you’re on a budget it’s just not possible.  Think to yourself would you be happy paying for a dinner out for this person? (because that is technically what you are doing) and if the answer is know, they don’t get invited.
  • Ditch unnecessary extras – no-one really remembers and/or uses the wedding favours that may have cost you alot of time and/or effort.  You don’t always need to send save the date cards to everyone.
  • DJ? – Save yourself some money by making a play list on your ipod or even a smart phone and use that for the music during the reception.
  • Think creatively when it comes to venues, for either your ceremony or reception. There can be hugely varying prices between venues, look around and think creatively. Can you use the local park, library, movie theatre?
  • New wedding shoes – Rub the soles of new wedding shoes (girls and guys) with samdpaper to de-slick them, especially if what are wanting to get down on the dancefloor.
  • Magnetic veil weights – I did not even know they were a thing, but they make complete sense to me for holding that veil in place, especially for an outside wedding.
  • Hand the phone over – Appoint someone ‘Official media person for the day’ Hand your phone over and let someone else intercept the texts, tweets etc on your big day.
  • Write your thank you notes as your receive your gifts – this will stop you from freaking out after the wedding when you are faced with a mountain of thank you notes to write, and will make sure you don’t get confused with who sent what.

Someone smart once said ‘People will only remember two things about your wedding day. The food and the feel of your wedding’  Stick to that plan and you’re bound to have a great day.

 

How to honour those who can’t be at the wedding.

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All you need is love… and ways to honour those who can’t be there at the wedding.

Weddings are special days. They are days of celebration where you surround yourself with those who you love and who love you.  Sometimes those you love aren’t able to help you celebrate your big day.

There are a few things to think about when deciding to how to honour the memory of someone special who has passed.

  • How fresh is the wound – how long ago did the person pass.  Have you and the guests had a chance to grieve privately before the event.  Will a special mention on the day be too much for you or your guests, and overshadow the joy of the day.
  • How much attention to you want to draw to the honouring -Sometimes too much attention will take the focus off the fact that it is a wedding and a happy occasion.
  • What’s most appropriate for the person – What’s the personality of the person you want to honour, would they want want a big fuss make of them?

Here’s some suggestions for elements you can add to either your ceremony or reception to bring attention to and honour your loved ones.

  • Wear something – wear something of their’s, a piece of jewellery or a tie would be perfect.  It could also cover your something borrowed.
  • Tribute in the ceremony program – If you are using a ceremony program you could add a small remembrance piece, or if you have a welcome sign at the entrance to your wedding space you could add something there.
  • Light a candle of remembrance – as part of your wedding ceremony you can light a candle of remembrance, or have a candle lit during your reception.

  • Photo table – use photo’s of important people to decorate a table at your reception.
  • Toast to their memory – you could include a toast as part of your ceremony of use their favourite tipple to toast to them during the speeches at your reception.
  • Reading/poem during the ceremony – have either the celebrant or a friend/family perform a reading during the ceremony and dedicate it to your loved one.
  • Favours – Use your wedding favours to celebrate that special person. Use a charitable donation (to their favourite charity) in their name as your wedding favours.
  • Moment of silence – add a moment of silence to your wedding ceremony, usually at the beginning after you walk down the aisle, to remember your special person.
  • Save a seat – leave a seat in the front row spare with their name on it, to honour where they would have sat.
  • Piece of clothing – sew a piece of their clothing into the inside of your wedding gown or into your suit jacket.

  • Charms – use photo charms or jewellery charms either in or on your bouquet so your loved ones walk down the aisle with you.
  • Hankerchief – use a loved one’s hankerchief to wipe away your happy tears on your wedding day.

  • Wedding shoes – place a photo or name of your special person on the bottom of your wedding shoes, so they can walk you down the aisle.

There are lots of special ways to honour those who you wish could be there to help you celebrate your wedding day.  

The role of a Master of Ceremony

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All you need is love … and a great Master of Ceremony

When I talk to a couple in the initial stages of their wedding ceremony planning I always ask if they have organised who will be their MC.  The MC is the person I will liaise with on the wedding day if there are any issues, and it is also the person who I give the couple’s marriage licence to after the wedding.  So when choosing your MC think about the person who you know will not leave the licence on the back seat of the taxi on the way home.

Why have a MC?

A MC will be like a ‘Person Friday’ on your wedding day.  They will be the person who will be the point of contact for any guest questions, any vendor questions, and ensure the smooth running of the wedding day.  They are not just for the speeches at the wedding reception.

How to choose an MC

  • Choose someone who’s personality fits the tone of your wedding/wedding reception. If you want it to be humorous/casual then choose someone who can pull that off, if you’re going for a more formal/traditional vibe then go for someone that way inclined, normally someone a little older.
  • Choose someone who feels comfortable speaking to an audience.
  • Choose someone who is organised and a good communicator, someone who can keep to your time line, and can communicate to event staff to ensure everything runs smoothly.
  • Someone with a can-do attitude, who is going to be OK pitching in to help when needed.
  • Someone who either doesn’t drink, can stay sober or can control their drinking, they need to be in control throughout the day/night.

How to be a stellar MC

  • Spend some time before the wedding, liaising with the bride and groom to create a time line of the day.  It’s a great idea to also be at the wedding rehearsal to make sure you have a good grasp on what’s going to happen. Make sure you know the names of the bridal party, parents, grandparents, it makes it a bit more personal.
  • Test the microphone before the reception, and practice using the volume and the acoustics of the space.
  • Make sure you are seated near the front so you don’t have to constantly move through the guests to get to the microphone.
  • Introduce yourself at the beginning, and a little spiel about how you know the bride and groom.
  • Be humorous, but appropriate, remember there will probably be grandparents/and or small children at the reception. No jokes about what happened on the stag night!
  • Introduce the speakers, and make sure you actually know who they are before hand, so you’re not aimlessly looking into the crowd after you introduce them.
  • Be able to go with the flow, sometimes things don’t always go according to plan, be able to roll with it.
  • Communicate with event staff, bride and groom, parents etc. Make sure every one knows what’s going to happen and when.
  • Be the point of contact for event staff, you may need to be able to perform last minute errands, if someone forgets something, or you run out of juice etc.
  • Stay relatively sober.  No one wants to listen to a slurring MC.
  • You will be the person to make announcements during the day, family photos, social media requests, when dinner is served, introducing the bride and groom, cutting the cake and the first dance.
  • Make sure the guests are aware of the house rules at the beginning of the reception, where the toilets are, smoking etc.

It is an honour to be asked to be a MC, its a big job which can definitely have an impact on a couples wedding day.  Think carefully when choosing a MC and think carefully before saying you’ll do it.