Tag: wedding planning

When it’s all too much

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All you need is love and … how to elope!

Sometimes it all gets a bit too much.  Maybe every man and his dog is putting their two cents worth into your wedding planning, maybe the two of you are constantly arguing, maybe the mother in law is being well.. a mother in law, maybe the costs are spiralling out of control, maybe you’re looking at each other and thinking ‘maybe we should just elope?’ You definitely wouldn’t be the first people to have these thoughts and you probably won’t be the last.  So here’s the skinny of whether it’s a good idea for you and some things to consider when you’re making the decision about running away to get married.

 

  • Prepare yourself for family and friends reactions- You will probably be on the receiving end of some strong reactions from your loved ones.  You need to be steadfast in your decision and not apologise.
  • Take care of the legal details – Different countries have different rules and legalities when it comes to marriage, make sure you are aware of the requirements for the area you are getting married.
  • Make a list – Make a list before of all the important people you will want to contact on the day, after you get married, parents, siblings, best friends, and make sure you call them to let them know the news before you make a larger announcement.  It will lessen the impact and surprise if these important people know first.
  • Send out a marriage announcement – Maybe when you get back from your honeymoon or just your wedding day, make a more formal announcement, most people do this on Facebook etc to let the rest of your people know that you got married.  This means that people that came to your engagement party etc know what’s going on.
  • Don’t down play the day – Just because it’s not the big white extravaganza, doesn’t mean that you can’t make it special and important.  You can still have a special dress/suit, maybe a favourite meal/bottle of bubbles, whatever you like to make the day special and memorable.  Remember it’s still your wedding day.
  • Get good photos – Photos are all you will have left of the day, because you won’t have many (if any) guests, so take the time and expense to get good photos of the ceremony and day.  It helps the guests that didn’t get invited feel better if they can see photos of the day.
  • Post wedding party – You can opt to have a post wedding party when you get home, to celebrate with family and friends.  This will be more relaxed than a wedding would be and you still get to share this special time with your closest ones.

No doubt whichever way you do it, you will still hurt people’s feelings.  But remember that your wedding day should be about you and your love and your lives together, not petty bickering and jealousy among those important to you.

 

What does a best man do?

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All you need is love … and a great best man.

It’s an honour to be asked to be a best man.  It can be heaps of fun but also comes with a lot of responsibility.  Here’s a run down on what a best man does.

Before the wedding

  • Plan the stag party – probably the most fun aspect of the role.  It’s your job to plan what/when/how much for the stag party.
  • Tux/suit hire – it’s your job to help the groom sort out his suit for the wedding, whether he’s going to be buying or hiring.  It’s also your job to organise the other groomsman to make sure they’re all there when the suits are selected and for fittings.  That way you’re all matching.
  • Rehearsal – Attend the wedding rehearsal, usually the day before. Pay special attention to where you’ve got to be, when you have to be there. You will also need to ensure all the groomsman know where they have to be.
  • Help the groom on the wedding day – It’s your job to make sure you take the stress off the groom on the big day.  You need to help him dress, make sure he has everything he needs, and then give him and all the groomsmen a quick once over before you arrrive at the ceremony.

During the wedding ceremony

  • Distribute the boutonnieres (buttonholes) and make sure everyone is wearing them.
  • Hold the rings.  You either need to have the rings right from the beginning or you take the rings off the ring bearer.
  • Sign the marriage licence. You may be asked to sign the marriage licence to make the marriage official.  Make sure you bring it up at the rehearsal if the officiant doesn’t mention it.
  • Escort the maid of honour or bridesmaid out of the ceremony.

At the Reception

  • Best man toast – Perform the best man toast/speech at the reception.  Probably the most nerve-wracking part of the role.  There’s heaps of info on the internet about how to nail your best man speech.
  • Read the telegrams – or in today’s day and age, read any emails, tweets, facebook updates for the couple.
  • Dance with the maid of honour-It’s your job to get the party started once the first dance of the bride and groom is underway.
  • Decorate the getaway car.
  • Help to decorate the honeymoon suite with the maid of honour.
  • Suits back – take the grooms tux/suit back to the hire shop, if the couple are leaving for their honeymoon straight after wedding.

The gist of the role is that you are the right hand man for the groom, you are standing beside your best mate/brother to support him on one of the biggest/best day of his life. It is a honour to be asked, so make sure you are happy to fulfill the role to the best of your abilities before you say yes.

 

Wedding Hacks

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All you need is love and … some real life wedding hacks.

 

We all know planning a wedding is stressful even for the most organised person, and we all know that millions of people have done it a million different ways before you, so why not learn from their wisdom.

  • Heel protectors – these cute/simple devices slip onto the heel of your stillettos and allow you to walk and stand gracefully on the grass on your wedding day.  They are a life saver and a must for all brides who are going to be walking on grass at some stage of their wedding day.
  • Have a 2-3 tier cake for display/cutting at the reception – but serve guests from a more inexpensive sheet cake thats hidden in the kitchen.
  • Number the back of your RSVP Cards – place a small number on the back of your rsvp cards then have a corresponding guest list.  That way if someone’s writing is illegible or they don’t fill the card in you’ll know who it’s from.
  • Limit your guest list – I know you want to invite everyone but when you’re on a budget it’s just not possible.  Think to yourself would you be happy paying for a dinner out for this person? (because that is technically what you are doing) and if the answer is know, they don’t get invited.
  • Ditch unnecessary extras – no-one really remembers and/or uses the wedding favours that may have cost you alot of time and/or effort.  You don’t always need to send save the date cards to everyone.
  • DJ? – Save yourself some money by making a play list on your ipod or even a smart phone and use that for the music during the reception.
  • Think creatively when it comes to venues, for either your ceremony or reception. There can be hugely varying prices between venues, look around and think creatively. Can you use the local park, library, movie theatre?
  • New wedding shoes – Rub the soles of new wedding shoes (girls and guys) with samdpaper to de-slick them, especially if what are wanting to get down on the dancefloor.
  • Magnetic veil weights – I did not even know they were a thing, but they make complete sense to me for holding that veil in place, especially for an outside wedding.
  • Hand the phone over – Appoint someone ‘Official media person for the day’ Hand your phone over and let someone else intercept the texts, tweets etc on your big day.
  • Write your thank you notes as your receive your gifts – this will stop you from freaking out after the wedding when you are faced with a mountain of thank you notes to write, and will make sure you don’t get confused with who sent what.

Someone smart once said ‘People will only remember two things about your wedding day. The food and the feel of your wedding’  Stick to that plan and you’re bound to have a great day.

 

Best wedding planning advice ever!

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All you need is love and … the best wedding planning advice ever!

This wedding planning business can make even the most sane person a little (or lot) crazy.  Where do you think the term Bridezilla came from?  It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype, but here’s a list of a few key points to keep in the back of your mind, as you navigate your way to planning your big day.

  • Don’t get caught up in ‘perfection’ – don’t get so obsessed with getting everything perfect, in fact some of the best moments of the day can be when things don’t go according to plan, the flower girl who lifts her skirt up to show everyone her knickers.
  • Savor every moment, it will fly by quickly – take some time during the day to just breathe and take everything in.  Make sure you have a little time at some part of the day to have a moment with your new husband/wife to just revel in the joy of the day.

 

  • Prioritize – pick what are the most important elements of your wedding to you as a couple, and spend the most of your budget on those. Is it the photos, is it good music?
  • You can’t/won’t please everyone – the best/worst thing about wedding planning is that everyone has an opinion.  You are not going to make everyone happy, and you will do yourselves a disservice if you try to.  Remember it’s your wedding day so make yourselves happy.
  • Remembering whats truly important – it’s easy to get caught up in choc cake vs carrot cake, and completely forget that the weddings about you getting married to the love of your life.
  • Eat and Drink – Your wedding day will absolutely fly by and it’s important to eat when you can and keep up the fluids (not just the bubbles) if you want to be able to party into the night.
  • Only do things you can afford – don’t put too much pressure on yourselves financially doing things that you think you need to do just to impress your guests.
  • Start early/finish early – Start the planning process as early as you can, to give yourself time to get everything done and to minimise the stress, and finish as early as you can to give yourself time to relax and enjoy this time.
  • Delegate – Ask for help when you need it.  Communicate clearly as a couple what your expectations/jobs are for the wedding planning process.
  • Stand your ground- Don’t be pushed into something you don’t want just to keep Great Aunty Fanny happy.
  • Treat your bridesmaids as you would like to be treated – Make sure you communicate your expectations to each of your bridal party, to give them a chance to decide if they’re up to the job.
  • Invitations need more time than you think – Send out your invitations earlier than you think, and set your RSVP date earlier than you need to, and you’ll still need to chase some of your guests.  Make it as easy as you can to RSVP for your guests.
  • Have Fun – remember it’s your wedding day, enjoy it.

Nailing those thank you cards

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All you need is love and … a way to say ‘thank you’

The jobs and etiquette of a wedding doesn’t stop once the day is over.  You will come home from your honeymoon all newly wed and smiley and be faced with getting those thank you cards out.  It is important to thank all your friends and family for their time, generosity and their thoughtfulness on the day.  After all they helped you celebrate your special day and they are the people who are helping you build your life as a newly married couple, surely that deserves a thank you card.

Thank you notes also act as a confirmation that you received a gift that may have come in the mail, it lets the givers know you received their gift.

There’s some tips to make the process simpler

  • Keep the list of addresses when you do your invitations, because you are going to need those again when you do your thank you cards.
  • Keep a list of who gave you what, either before the wedding, or give someone the job of noting it (making sure cards are firmly fastened to gifts) at the reception.
  • Order thank you cards when you order your invitations. www.bemyguest.co.nz/ does beautiful personalised wedding stationary.
  • Save yourself some time by writing thank you notes as the gifts come in before the wedding, it’ll be one less to do after.
  • Ask your photographer to take a photo of you with a ‘thank you’ prop, (either a sign or bunting etc) on the wedding day to use as a thank you card.
  • Don’t try and write them all in one sitting, you’ll get writers cramp, and make sure you share the job with your husband.
  • Wedding thank you notes should be hand-written, and make sure you address the giver by name and reference the gift they gave you.
  • Notes should go out within 2 weeks when the gift is received before the wedding and within 2 months after the wedding, unless you’re lucky enough to be on a 6 month honeymoon, and then lucky you, but you’ll still need to get them done when you get home.

 

  • There are many ways you can do thank you cards, you can just do a thank you card in the same suite as your invitations, and you can order them at the same time, or you can use a wedding photo as a postcard as a  thank you, or you can take a photo on the wedding day with a thank you prop which you can use as part of the thank you card.
  • Don’t forget you’ll need to purchase stamps to send them all, make sure you budget for postage.

What does a celebrant do?

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All you need is love … and a good celebrant!

Being a celebrant is, in my eyes the best job ever! I get to meet many different couples, each wedding is different, just like each couple is different, and it is my job to make each ceremony a reflection of their love story and their personalities.

My journey with a couple usually begins when they contact me, to ask if I am available for their planned wedding date. These enquiries come either by email, my Facebook page or by phone, from that first contact I will check whether I am free on their wedding day, and then organise a time to visit with the couple, usually at their own home (I know how hard it can be for couples, especially with small children, to find time to meet with wedding vendors). Almost every time I  visit a couple for the first time, they always say:

“We haven’t done this before and have no idea where to start”

which is where I come in, kinda like ‘Super woman’ It’s my job to help a couple make their wedding ceremony perfect.  I know the legal bits we have to do, and I have tons of information about what else we can include to suit a couple, e.g, info about including children, remembrance pieces, unity ceremonies, readings.

My first visit with a couple is non-obligational, which means that it’s just a informal chat about what they have planned and what I offer, it gives us all a chance to suss each other out and decide if we are all on the same wavelength. I always take copies of two different ceremonies I have written, a job description (so nearly-weds know what my role entails) and all my contact details. I tell couples at that meeting that I will message them the next day to make sure they still want to book me.  It’s a bit unfair/awkward to expect couples to make a call when I’m sitting across the table from them, and they haven’t had a chance to chat in private about how awesome I am!

After they go ahead and confirm they want to book me, I book them in for their wedding date, and send them an invoice for my services. I require a deposit to be paid within 7 days of agreeing to use me as their celebrant, and I give information on how to pay the deposit.  I  then let  them know that  I will be in contact about 2-3 months out from the wedding date to start the next step of writing their wedding ceremony. In the mean time they are to think about anything they want to include in the ceremony/vows.  I tell couples to make notes of anything they see, read, hear that they like, and we can use that info to craft their ceremony.  I also recommend pinterest and  offbeat bride website.  I like to keep an open dialogue with a couple leading up to the wedding, so encourage them to contact me if they have any questions about the wedding ceremony or the wedding day.  Because I have contacts in the wedding industry I can offer information or recommendations for other wedding vendors.

A week out from the next scheduled meeting I will email them some homework, it is a list of questions which I ask, which gives me a better understanding of their personalities and how their relationship works, it’s very interesting what the answers reveal. The more information I gather from these homework questions and the subsequent meeting, the better the wedding ceremony.

From that meeting, and armed with all the ammunition I can get from the meetings, I sit down and write a draft ceremony for the couple.  I pride myself on making a ceremony as personal as we can get it.  When that is completed I email it to the couple to have a look at, making sure they are aware that we can absolutely change anything they don’t like.  We play around with the ceremony until it is completely perfect, then it goes into the folder to wait until the wedding day.

I give a couple information on obtaining their marriage licence (an absolute necessity for the ceremony to actually be legal) and will continue to ‘nag’ them until they contact me to tell me they have it. When they finally get it from the courts, I tell them to let me know and I will come and collect it from them, that way they have no chance of losing it before the big day, and it goes into the folder with the ceremony until the big day.

Then it’s time for the couple to work on writing their wedding vows (if they are choosing to write them themselves) I contact them regularly to ensure they are on track, and to see if they need any help with writing their vows.  I know they can be tricky, and some people are vowely-challenged.

Once I receive the vows, I print them out onto a personalised nice piece of card, (and I have the vows the wedding day, so no chance of a bride and/or groom forgetting them on the day) I put everything together, so it is ready for the rehearsal. At the scheduled rehearsal  we go over the logistics of the ceremony, who’s going to stand where, what’s going to happen when, music (I create a personalised playlist for each couple on Spotify) and have this on my cellphone which plugs into my PA system and the music and microphone runs through this.  It’s one less thing for a couple to think about on their wedding day.

I arrive at the wedding ceremony at least 45 minutes early, to ensure everything is set up, to calm the groom, and to chat with the guests.  Then its ceremony time, the fun part. I guide the couple and guests through the wedding ceremony, make sure the legalities (sign the paperwork) are all taken care of. Congratulate the couple after the ceremony, take a #celebrantselfie and then quietly leave the couple and their guests to enjoy the rest of the day.

I always provide couples with a package on their wedding day, in it is a copy of their ceremony (it can be hard for a couple to remember what was said on their wedding day, because of all the emotion going on, so it’s nice to have a copy to look back on), the package also includes the couple’s vows cards as a momento  of the day, their marriage licence, and a little feedback form.

I follow up with the couple the next day, via email, to ensure they had a great day, and don’t have any questions, and post away the paperwork.

I love what I do and are always blown away that I get to do this as a job, and I take what I do absolutely seriously, but that doesn’t mean we can have a little fun with it.  I am always honoured to be a part of a couples wedding day, it’s definitely a privilege.

Putting pen to paper – how to write your wedding vows

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All you need is love and … advice on writing your wedding vows

Legally in New Zealand a wedding ceremony only has to have one part to satisfy the ‘powers that be’ and that is the ‘I do’ piece. Everything else if totally up to you, so you can perform an interpretative dance if you feel the need ( I quite often offer that option to people, but usually they so no, not sure why)  I generally structure a wedding with welcome, love story, vows, I Do’s, ring exchange, husband and wife, kiss, party!

Your wedding vows are very personal, it is the part of the ceremony where you are speaking directly to your beloved, not the guests. I describe it as the part where you share your gratitude to the other person and your promises for your shared life ahead. They can be tricky and most people struggle with them, use your celebrant to give you some pointers, and to proof read them before you commit to them.

Things to consider when writing your vows:

  • Decide on the tone of the vows – are you going to write them together, or separately? Are you going to keep them secret for the big day? Are they going to be funny or totally serious? Are they going to be the same or totally different?
  • Read as much inspiration as you can get your hands on – the good thing about Uncle Google is that there are wedding vows all over the place. Spend some time having a look on-line and making a note of what you like.
  • Think about the future – how will your vows sound 10,20.30 years from now?
  • Pinterest – it will be your best friend in this situation, tons of inspiration there.
  • Questions to ask yourself – Why are we getting married? Where do I see myself in 10, 20 years from now? How does your partner inspire you? What do you miss about them when they’re not around? What surprised you about them? What have they taught you? What challenges have you met together? What did you think when you first saw them?
  • Don’t leave it too late – Yes you think you’ve got tons of time, but it will run out pretty quickly when planning a wedding. Don’t leave it till the last minute and be doing it the night before.
  • Vows are just for you and your partner – sure everyone is going to hear them, but remember that you are speaking directly to your loved one.
  • Vows should sound like you.  There is no point copying someone else’s long love poem if that is not really you.  Your partner will appreciate it more if it comes from your heart and sounds like you.

Remember it’s your wedding day so do it your way.

All you need is … a wedding day emergency kit.

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All you need is love and … a wedding day emergency kit.

If only these were real, everything you need in one handy place.                      Essential wedding day swiss army knife

Sometimes things don’t always go according to plan.  That’s why you pack an emergency wedding day kit.  Sometimes the sh*t hits the fan and you need something to wipe it off you to get on with the day.  I’ve compiled a list of what I think are the wedding day essentials.

Panadol (or other pain relief)

Band Aids ( clear, not novelty, no one wants to get married with a batman bandaid)

Breath mints (for that all important first kiss)

Cash (just a small amount, you never know)

Chalk (it covers up last minute wedding dress smudges)

Comb/Brush

Safety pins

Dental Floss

Hairclips/ Hair spray

Wet Ones (or even better a travel pack of baby wipes, they get everything clean)

Make up (for touch ups, you make up artist should give you what you need for the day)

Needle/thread (or a small sewing kits)

Lint roller (no one wants to walk down the aisle with cat fur on their dress)

Nail file/Hand cream

Tape (I find duct tape fixes everything)

Rescue Remedy (to calm those nerves)

Tissues and cotton buds

Tweezers

Some sort of snack (muesli bars – not the choc kind, raisins, dried fruit etc) to keep the energy up, you often forget to eat when getting ready

Sunblock (especially for an outside event)

Water bottle with straw (very important to stay hydrated)

Obviously there are a lot more things that could go on the list, but I think this list covers all the basics.

There are a lot of places where you can buy these already made up and packaged in beautiful bags ready to go, or you can definitely DIY it yourself.

Bridal Emergency Kit Wedding Day Survival, Bride Wife Fiance Gift, Note Card for Groom, Bridesmaids, Couples Bridal Shower, Congratulations

CloverKit wedding day emergency kit

This great kit is available from CloverKit on Etsy

Make it the responsibility of the maid of honour to have  the bag in the car on the way to the venue and then again after the ceremony available on the way to photos and to stash it somewhere discreet at the venue so all the bridal party know where it is if it’s needed. It’s one of those things that you hope you’re not going to need, kinda like car insurance, but you’re glad you have it, if something happens.

All you need is love and …

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All you need is love and a great hen’s night.

Hen’s nights are a rite of passage for a bride.  They can also be very loud, expensive and boozy, which is great if that’s what the bride wants, but can be absolutely hell if it’s not.

If you’re the maid of honour or a bridesmaid and have been given the task of organising the hens night, there’s a few things to keep in mind when you start planning.

Pick a budget that suits most people, no point choosing a weekend away at a 5 star hotel if no one can actually afford to share in the celebration. Remember you do not have to foot the bill for the whole affair, work out how much each person has to pay and stick to that, most guests will be happy to chip in for the event to honour the bride.

Make sure you ask the bride what she wants to do. It’s quite risky to guess and just surprise her.  Your idea and her idea may be way off, and you really want the bride to enjoy herself.

Check with her about what she’s happy to have happen at the event. You don’t want to be buying penis shaped necklaces if the idea absolutely makes her cringe. Check if she is happy with a prop for the evening, to distinguish her as the hen, she may not want to wear a veil and sash, but may be happy with something more tasteful like a tiara. Remember it’s her hen’s night, you need to make sure she has a great night.

There’s a ton of ideas for things to do

  • Weekend away, could be a 5 star hotel or a camping trip
  • Spa day, choose her favourite spa, and book everyone in for some pampering.  There are even mobile spa’s who come to your home.
  • Wine Tasting/Wine trail, if you live in an area where you can visit more than one vineyard, you could make a day of it, and have a lunch at a vineyard restaurant.
  • Cocktail party, hire a bartender for the night to make different cocktails. A great chance for everyone to dress up and pretend to be in “Sex in the City”.
  • Dance lesson, maybe a salsa class, or belly dancing or burlesque or pole dancing.
  • Sex toy party, get your giggle on, and maybe stock the bride up for the honeymoon.
  • Hire a private chef and host a black tie dinner party.
  • Vintage High Tea, you can book into some restaurants for this or organise it at home, think vintage china, cucumber sandwiches, mini cakes.
  • Paintball, skydiving, bungy jumping for the more adventurous bride.
  • Pottery/ceramic painting.  There are venues where you can go,have  a lesson and make your own pottery and/or paint some ceramic and they fire it for you to pick up at a later date.
  • Hire a room/suite at a 5 star hotel for the night, and go out for a night on the town, then all stay the night together, kind of like a flash pajama party.

A hen’s night is about the bride coming together with her female friends to celebrate the transition from single to married, it is a chance to reflect on your relationships and for a bride’s friends to support her at this special time.

All you need is love and …

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All you need is love and …an unplugged wedding.

What’s an unplugged wedding?

Imagine a photo of you, as a bride getting ready with your bridesmaids, shared on Facebook before you get to the wedding. Imagine the first time people see your wedding is through your 14-year-old niece’s unflattering Instagram upload.  Imagine your professional (paid) photographer being unable to get that perfect shot because Great Aunty Daisy has her IPad right in front of you. Imagine walking down the aisle on your wedding day but unable to see anyone’s faces because they all have their phones or cameras out. All scenarios I’ve been witness to, and all perfectly good reasons for an unplugged wedding.

An unplugged wedding makes your professional photographers job so much easier (remember that lovely talented photographer, who you are paying a lot of money to, to get those once in a lifetime shots?) There’s nothing worse for a photographer when everyone’s got their cell phones out and it trying to get that shot, or getting in their way while they try to capture that first look of the bride.

In today’s digital age, absolutely everyone’s connected 24/7. Everyone’s firing off tweets and Instagram photos like nobody’s business and it’s easy for people to get into the thinking of  ‘if it hasn’t been uploaded in some way, then it didn’t really happen’.

Unplugged weddings are becoming very popular with couples who don’t want their wedding splashed all over social media, before the day’s finished. In fact probably 90% of my couples ask for an unplugged wedding. I ask them at our planning meetings what their thoughts are on this, some have very definite thoughts, others have never heard of it, and once I explain it to them, completely understand. Unplugged is not just about not sharing photos on social media, it’s also about asking your guests to be fully present in your ceremony and/or day.  It’s asking people to turn off their phones/cameras/computers and just enjoying what’s going on around them.

There are many nice ways to ask your guests. Most people include it on their invitations, some include a sign at the entrance to the venue, and I usually  remind guests before the ceremony begins to switch everything off, enjoy the ceremony and they can continue taking snaps and selfies after the ceremony and at the reception. If you have a relative who is going to be put off by not being able to take photos, you can remind them that they can get a copy of the professional photos after the wedding.

Just remember it’s your day so do what feels right to you.